Megan Krause
You can do everything in your power to solve it but some problems, arguably your life’s projects, take their own predestined time getting solved
Sometimes they disguise as gifts of perseverance, sometimes as lessons in choosing different problems
It is okay to feel like your work is simultaneously: not your best, not the best objectively, but the best you can do given the circumstances, and thus release it into the world
No one can take what’s yours away from you
My love of writing revealed itself, first and foremost, to be a love for solving emotions. I wanted to live in harmony with my feelings, hence the self-help books and fights and studying for only the classes I liked
Hence the estrangements, all of them
When she isn’t looking, you come closer. This shouldn’t be mine to solve
Everyone started expecting something from me and I started getting a kick out of leading them to the edge and escaping
This was a convenient way of subverting my real thought, which was that I did not understand adulthood, I really thought it would come naturally to me but it didn’t. It was like really complicated algebra because my instincts were constantly at war with whatever was supposed to make me “succeed” and it felt like I was living in a world which was half hazy
The crickets buzzing, a headache coming on, futile sundays, a problem I am contemplating abandoning, what the hell does one eat next, pizza, no, whopper, no, be healthy, no, skip the meal altogether
It is exhausting to live this way. You keep putting new levels into your basket and these are levels others have already solved for by being more traditional or more easy with spending or thinking quicker on their feet
You work for your privilege then reel in guilt
I was watching this video about the “smart girl trope” and felt seen in ways I thought girls who are smart in art are not allowed to feel (in my opinion the world is infinitely kinder to people who like science or technology or business). The definition was: their best and worst quality is their self-awareness
Mic drop, chest pain, dry feet, vitamin tablets, why write, why anything
If you are sensitive, choose your problems by what feels right. If you are smart, choose your problems by mapping five years of its consequences
Make choices that will potentially be good for your future, be a rookie in new arenas every few years, try to do things which keep your conscience clear. This seems like the only way
Choose the right people, places, things. Do they bring out the good in you?
Write it out